Ellevated Leadership: Notes From the Stage

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At the recent Women’s Leadership Summit by Ellevate Foundation, I spoke on a leadership panel facilitated by Rebecca Matulonis, CEO of Excel Health Plans. We had an engaging discussion about some key leadership topics and how we navigate them as women. Whether you’re a woman reading this or a man who has women on your team, I encourage you to openly develop awareness of how men and women lead. Everyone will benefit from knowing and embracing the differences.  

I’m a preparer and notetaker, and I had my notes on stage with me. Afterward, I received multiple requests to share some of my lists, which I’ve consolidated here for reference.  

Read through the questions and then answer them yourself. In fact, have your team do it as well and then get together for a discussion. I’m sure you’ll uncover some poignant ideas that influence your team dynamic!

What does Ellevated Leadership mean to you? 

With two “ll’s,” I think first of leadership from a female perspective and recognizing that men and women approach things differently and that’s okay. Embrace it and use it for influence.  

Be keenly aware that your behavior influences others. You demonstrate leadership and mentorship through interactions, and you can use your influence for good or you can lack awareness and, therefore, be selfish about it. Either way, people are watching and making decisions based on what they see. 

Be accepting of people and help them embrace themselves. 

Recognize and act when it’s time to say “No.” Or when you are aware of bad behaviors, ineffective processes, and unprofitable services that need to come to an end.  

How can we embrace our femininity in a male-dominated industry? 

We lead differently because we interact differently. Embrace it.  

This is a change for me. I used to think that I didn't want to be called out as a woman because I just wanted to be a "person" in the workplace. However, "person" was actually "men," so I was basing my thoughts on a false idea.  

I want to be evaluated on my capabilities and merits, not my gender. But I am, at the same time, fully aware that as a woman, I bring a different approach than men typically do, so evaluation should be on the outcomes not on following the same path to get there.  

Having different thoughts and approaches within a company is important because it adds variety to ideation and execution. Companies with women actively involved in management are more profitable and see greater growth. #JustFacts #ItTakesAVillage 

How do you lead with resilience and adaptability during times of uncertainty and disruption? 

When faced with difficulty, act quickly and confidently and control the narrative to ensure people's safety. When a disruption occurs, get the team together immediately to explain the situation and the plan. Do not leave them guessing and filling in the blanks with things that are not true and likely worse than reality.  

I am constantly reminded that I am responsible for other people’s livelihoods, and I take that very seriously. I need to provide for them like I do for my family, and that includes honest communication. 

I facilitated a session for NABIP Power Hour on Becoming Comfortable with Uncomfortable Conversations, and I did that session because I do so much of it. I’m willing to step into sticky stuff and navigate it, so I get to do a lot of it. Here are a few steps to help you prepare for one of your own: 

1. Think logically about the situation and take notes on the facts. Recognize the difference between your opinions or emotions and the facts.  
2. Gather input because your opinion of the situation is biased.  
3. Outline your plan and talking points. 
4. Roleplay. Do not make the first time you have the “conversation” be in front of the recipient(s).  
5. Take a deep breath to calm your nerves, then walk into it. 
6. I like having notes to help keep the message on track and avoid rambling. 

What advice do you have for women struggling with imposter syndrome? 

Nearly everyone feels some level of insecurity, self-doubt, discomfort, butterflies, or anxiety from time to time; it’s perfectly natural. However, it does NOT mean you have imposter syndrome.  

Imposter syndrome is not a disease that we catch and then carry around with us. It's an idea that was created in the early 1900s, and in the age of rapid information sharing, people have grabbed onto it and turned it into a self-diagnosed pathology. I see people wear it almost like a badge of honor and use it as an excuse not to do difficult things.  

When you’re feeling insecure or any of the uncomfortable feelings, you get to decide if you’re going to stay down wallowing and feeling sorry for yourself or if you’re going to formulate a plan to deal with the cause of the angst. Work through it and move beyond it by addressing each situation and extrapolating your newfound confidence to new situations.   

If you feel constantly insecure or frustrated that you're undervalued, then evaluate your situation. Is this feeling coming from other people who have put out the idea to hold you back? Is it the environment you're in? Do they treat women like secretaries? Create a hostile environment for people of color? For working moms and caretakers? Women in menopause? If so, that's their problem.  

You can choose to address it with them or you can choose to leave. Either answer may be right. The end goal should be to own your confidence.  

Who has been the most influential mentor in your career? 

Two people have been critical to my leadership development. I got my conceptual foundation of work ethic and leadership from my dad. We regularly discussed work topics from a very young age, and I soaked up everything he would teach me.  

My partner, Kevin, has been unyielding in his belief in me and us. We regularly push boundaries and step into spaces that may have felt uncomfortable. We’ve often said it’s jumping into the deep end of the pool, and we’ll figure it out.  

I feel capable of walking into most rooms and conversations with confidence because of the backing I’ve had and the skills I’ve developed as a result.  

How do you manage the demands of leadership while maintaining personal wellbeing? 

It’s all about the calendar. If it’s on the calendar, I do it. If it’s not, I likely don’t.  

Commitments to others and classes keep me on track to keeping my personal commitments. I pay for a gym membership, classes, and a personal trainer to ensure I get there.  

I have a deep sense of obligation to connect with my family, and when I make a commitment, I will not break it. But I still mostly put it on my calendar. 😀

What essential skills and words of wisdom do you have for the next generation of female leaders?  

People want to spend time with people who make them feel secure and help them grow, so use that as the overarching goal for skill development, decision-making, and behavioral traits to develop.  

• Get comfortable with uncomfortable conversations and situations. Learn to address difficult things with fairness and kindness while holding firm to your position. 

• Be the stable one in the room. The more logic and calm you can bring to tricky situations, the more people want to interact with you.  

• Be decisive when you have an answer; don’t play coy. Be honest when you don’t have an answer, and then do your research and make a decision.  

• Own your shit. Good shit and bad shit. Don’t create drama; no one wants to be a part of that.  

• Practice employment longevity. This is a lost skill that needs to be relearned and valued with a modern twist. Don’t keep a job that is abusive or isn’t teaching you valuable skills, recognizing that those skills may be tolerance, working with difficult people, or something else mildly distasteful. Job hopping tells me you're not willing to commit to difficult things in your career, so how could I expect you to take up the torch for my company? 

• Get involved and build a strong, wide, deep network. Cultivate the network by messaging, talking, and meeting up to support one another and grow your skills and business. Help others and ask for help.